10 comments on “Time Snatch, part 4

  1. Wow Ant. I’m riveted to every thought and word. Such mastery of adverbs is wonderful. It makes me wonder where you learned how to use such dynamic phrasing.
    Keep it coming.

  2. OOOoo, what a cliff hanger!!
    Loved the countdown to the gunshot.

    I’m nit picking again:
    Typo: “A pang of remorse jabbed at me conscious” Unless Tom’s actually a Pirate but then you’d have to end the sentence with a “Yarr matey.”
    Typo: “and it would not due for them to find me still alive” This sentence is due for a correction, the present spelling just wont do.
    Typo: “I assure you, we’ve have been alive…” I’ve have got to tell you about this one.

    And to be honest, I thought the Lexus speeding up section didn’t seem to flow smoothly, as if you were rushed when writing it. I understood what you were going for, it just didn’t seem like it was written in the same voice as everything else. If you get my meaning.

    • You bring up a really good point, and that is, should we make Tom into a pirate. Personally, my vote is yes, but I’d love to hear what others have to say!

      I’ll have to take another look at the Lexus speeding up section again. It’s very likely that section was written while the at-home nurse was trying to explain how to set up an IV to my fiance, so that would account for the shift in voice for sure.

      Thanks again for the excellent feedback.

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