10 comments on “Time Snatch, Part 3

  1. The plot thickens… I’m liking the twists you’re taking in this section with Denton a lot. I think you would benefit from another section break between the scene in the car and ambushing Denton in his backyard, but other than that this is a superb piece. Looking forward to the next bit.

  2. Personally, I thought the detectives (at least Raines, who is thinking more clearly) would have realized Malcolm needed them to kill Denton because he couldn’t. Perhaps they just had not had the time to think about it.

    Regardless, an interesting continuation… as the body count increases…

    And if the world ends tomorrow before I get the remainder of the tale, I will curse you through the corridors of eternity. That is, unless you find a way to post the remainder in the afterlife.

  3. Pingback: Oh. – FF-2012-12-21 « libertarianinmind

  4. Enjoying the story! I agree with Chris again, a break or transition between the car and ambush would be helpful. For me, a transition or break from their escape on the roof to driving would also be helpful. I somehow missed Tom was driving until he tightened his knuckles on the wheel in realization. Very engaging story so far=)

    • Thanks for the continued feedback, Jennifer. Yours and Chris’ advice is very helpful in reminding me to connect the lines of the story in a fluid way so it doesn’t jump unnecessarily. When I go back through and edit/rewrite the story, I will be more mindful and add some additional scenes to make the story progress more smoothly for the reader. I’m glad you’re enjoying the story so far!

  5. The mini cliff hangers are great, keeps me intrigued.

    Not trying to be picky but found two similar typos: ‘Denton said pointing too something behind me’ and ‘but I’ve grown quite attached too living,’

    I love your metaphores in general, they’re very well thought out.

  6. Rats! I’ve finished this chapter; now I have to wait until tomorrow night for the next one. Yeah, I know I could read it all in one sitting, but if I did, I’d be too tired to get up for work in the morning :-)

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