21 comments on “Time Snatch

  1. I love this. It reminds me of the movie I saw recently with Justin timberlake, the one where their time was ticking off . Is this fan fiction? I really enjoyed reading this. Great Job!

  2. Wow. I’m currently cursing the fact that I have to go out of the house and do something fun, because it means I can’t sit in front of my laptop and keep reading this. Great story so far.

  3. I’m no expert on writing, but I like this a great deal so far. The movie that this is reminiscent of is called “In Time.” Thought I’d mention it in case you ever want to watch it.
    I think you could really use some kind of section break between the scene in your protagonist’s house and the scene in the agency. They don’t have a clear division, and the scene change really threw me. If you’re concerned about your grammar, there are a few minor fixes you could implement, not really a big deal. Great story, I’m gonna go read the next segment now!

  4. Agree with Chris, some sort of break or transition from the house to the station would be greatly helpful to the reader. Great idea though. I got chills at the idea of Malcolm giving time from Tom’s wife back to Tom. Off to read the next part=)

  5. Good writing. Agree with the scene change point and the line, (“Listen, Jerry.” I said standing over him”) Not sure how Tom could be standing over him.
    As far as being reminiscent of the movie, I have no issue with it. In the same way there are dozens, if not hundreds, of zombie, vampire, werewolf… stories and movies that all play off the same ficitional universe were such things are possible. This story just happens to be set in the same universe as the Timberlake movie. Very good so far, I’m looking forward to the rest.
    Now if I could just get people to give me feedback on my stories, I’d be a happy fiction blogger.

    • Thanks for the feedback, Wayne. When I get a chance I will stop over and read through some of your stories. I skimmed through Body Swap? (I think that’s the name), and plan on giving it a thorough read through in the coming day. Are you looking for some general feedback or more in depth critique?

  6. Great! Now I’ve got another post to read and obsess over! This is an excellent story with fantastic writing. Good thing it’s in only 7 parts. I wish I had never found you. My wife is going to be jealous. When will I find time for her?

  7. I just stopped by to thank you for your “Like” on my blog, Walking the Cat. That was all I was going to do until I started reading “Time Snatch”. The first chapter really gragged me! The writing is in a league with Connolly, Sanford and Silva — all favorites of mine — and I really want to get back to “Time Snatch”. . . Thanks, again, for the “Like” on Walking the Cat.

    • Thanks, Steve! It always feels great to be compared, even if just a little bit, to someones favorite authors! I’m glad you enjoyed the first section of the story, hopefully you’ll be able to make it back for the others.

  8. Nice first installment, good setup, well paced. Assuming you’re open to feedback, there are a few minor grammar errors I spotted:

    “I’m dying, Raines. What’s too talk about?” – to not too.
    bound to illicit that reaction – elicit not illicit
    Needs a defined break between leaving the apartment and turning up with Walter. This is probably due to WordPress – it does it to my uploads all the time.
    there is a snowballs chance in hell – there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell?
    “I am in the middle of something. – missing closing ”
    That vein on the side of the Captains head grew a little less feint, and his face grew a little more red, as he pulled the phone from his ear. “He wants to talk to you.” He said holding the phone out to me. The scowl on the Captains face – Captains should be Captain’s (2x) and faint not feint.
    snakes throat. – Snake’s.
    “If you’re plan is to talk me to death, you’re doin’ a great job.” I said looking down to Walter for the thumbs up. The look of confusion across his face as he shook his head no lacked – your not you’re at start of sentence; extra ‘no’ between head and lacked.
    as the numbers on my arm starting – started not starting.

    I’ve spent the last 15 years reviewing documents, so it’s impossible to switch it off :-) My comments above are curt and efficient, please don’t read this as rude. The objective of feedback is to help you make your work better. Looking forward to reading the rest.

    • I greatly appreciate the feedback in any form. I take it as nothing but constructive! Thank you for taking the time to bring them to my attention. For the stories I post to the blog, I post them in their rough draft form without rewriting, editing, or even proofreading. Your comment will definitely help me as I work my way back through the story with a fine toothed comb!! Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

  9. Wow Anthony, I am super impressed. And hooked! Way to create a unique and mysterious world that makes me want to explore it. I’m glad I started reading after you’d posted all the segments, so I don’t have to wait for the next one ;o)

  10. Oh this is good! I like your style of writing. First person isn’t something every writer can do, but you have done it well. Okay, I’m off to episode 2 :-)

  11. Just read this and I’m quite amazed at how much I was drawn in – I wish I’d found it sooner than today!

    Anyhow; amazing flow, great characters and an entrapping story thus far. I can’t wait to read more.

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