56 comments on “Infidelity

  1. Wow, not the ending I expected! Nice details, well written. I found myself reading faster and faster to see how it would end. However, I wonder what Marcus did to make Erica think he might be having an affair and actually go so far as to hire a detective. We will never know …

  2. I love the ending of this, especially how the husband seems to get revenge for something that didn’t need revenge, yet seemed satisfied. The flow of this story is great and my pulse was picking up.

    The only thing I would caution you on is over using the word had. For example, “had been 30 minutes” , “had held”, “had been four hours”, “had just resolved” could be respectively… ” Marcus kneeled for 30 minutes as he joined the man in his waiting game.”, ” since he held the weapon”, ” he started stalking his prey four hours before”, “he resolved”… Cutting out the middleman if you will.

    Also watch the passive voice in” as another kick was leveled” It’s stronger and more active if you say something like “as he leveled another kick toward the man’s back”..
    That’s all I have. I love it, keep it up!

    • Thanks for the great critique! I strive too keep the voice as “active” as possible, but there are definitely some moments that slip by me. That is truly one of those cases where an active voice would be so much better. Also, that is a good observation of my overuse of the word “had” in the story. I would like to think that is one of those things I would have caught if I had done a read through beforehand, but as often is the case, our habits are not so obvious to ourselves, so thank you for making me aware.

  3. While not a comment about your writing – I’ll check that out soon – I had seen that you had liked the post I had creating a contest to win my ebook, “American Insurgent”. I would like to congratulate you, as you’re one of our ten winners! Just go to https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/263318 and enter the code, LC47T in order to get your free Kindle, nook any other popular ereader version of my novel!

    Thanks so much for liking my post, and I hope you enjoy the novella!
    Adam Maciejewski

  4. Well done! I love a good short story with a sharp, crisp ending. You delivered. Thanks for liking my blog today. I’ll be doing some more exploring around here in the days ahead, for sure.

  5. So…that’s just weird.
    I noticed you like my post this week and so I was all, “OH! Who is this? Short stories? Really? I’ll go check!” and I came over here and was impressed because I don’t think I could crank out short stories and put them up for all to see and I thought, “Wow! This is IMPRESSIVE! I shall skim this first story…WTH? ‘Erica’?? That’s me!? What’s happening here? I’m so confused!”
    But I haven’t been able to read the story, yet, because I already used my lunchtime to goof off elsewhere. So! Tonight, after work, I will read this!
    And thank you for visiting my place! I appreciate it.

  6. Hi Anthony, thanks for taking the time to look at my blog. I thought I’d stop by and see what you were up to. You’re a prolific writer – I wish I had your discipline! I liked the way you kept the tension going in this story – it’s so hard to get a “twist” in a short story. Very inventive – good luck and keep entertaining!

  7. This is so compelling. Normally, since I’m hosting a poetry prompt (dversepoets.wordpress.com) I wouldn’t be able to read through this, but just had to know what was going to happen. That’s good writing! Your blog name shouldn’t be weakly, though.

    • Thanks for stopping in and reading, Victoria. I’m glad I could pull you away from the poetry, for just a little bit at least. I hope you find another story lurking in these pages with the ability to pull you back soon.

  8. I started reading it and was instantly sucked in. I forgot my show that was playing on TV, ignored the phone when it rang and told my dog she would have to wait to go out as she stood by the door and barked for my attention. I did eventually get off the couch halfway through, but that was only because I recieved the warning for low battery on my laptop and I needed to get my charger. My dog was only happy for the instant she thought she was getting let out, until I disappeared into my bedroom in a mad dash for the cords. I just had to see what happened when Erica returned to the house for her phone! Great read! Wonderfully twisted ending! Can’t wait for the next one :)

    • This is one of my favorite comments I’ve ever received! I am very glad you found it so engrossing, though I doubt your dog shares that feeling with me. I hope you find some of my other stories equally engaging.

  9. I enjoyed it oh so much! I took a break from writing to read for a change and I’m gladI did. I’ve been in kind of slump with my stories lately but you got me excited to get moving on them again. Thanks for motivating me to return to my awaiting projects and keep up the great work.

    ~O

    • I find that reading is the only thing that helps keep me motivated to return to my projects. If I stop reading, I lose all interest in writing. I’m glad that I could help inspire you to return to your works! I’ll be keeping an eye out for them in the future.

  10. Reading is just what I needed this evening. Hopfully I will have a story posted next week. May I ask, how long did it take you to write this? I struggle so much with the writing process and mine are nowhere near the length of yours.

    • Do you know what your story might be about? The length of time a piece takes can vary depending on the type of story I’m telling… I aim to write at least 1500 words a day, though sometimes that can range all the way up too 6000. Infidelity is about 6000 words and took me about 3 days to write as I was trying really hard to preserve the twist at the end. Though with a story like Sun Burn which is 5000 words and an easier premise, I finished it in one day.

  11. Wow! I wish I could write like that. I’m not sure why I struggle as all my stories are first-hand accounts of the explores I have been on. I know the story from start to finish, yet somehow I struggle with it for a week or more before it’s finished :/

  12. That might be part of my struggle. I find the time every day, but I find I just stare at the screen because I can’t bring myself to write a sloppy draft, although I know it’s what I need to do. I guess I think too much and want it to come out the way it is in my head the first time around, so I walk away in frustration. I’m getting flustered with the piece I’m working on as we speak…

    • My advice is to just start writing without a care in the world for how it’s sounding.. just get it on the screen, even if that means using terrible punctuation and run on sentences. Just start writing and at some point you’ll break through the block and the words will flow like water!

  13. You’re right! I’m going to try it! Just write. No worries about how it looks or sounds! I have to be to bed shortly so I will take the challenge to just get the story out completely before I turn in for the night. I’m going to go give it a try. Fingers crossed for me….I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks so much for your support and advice :)

    • It’s a play on words that I find amusing. It’s slightly self-deprecating cause I’m saying my stories are weak (not very good), and that they are short. I strive to post one story a week so that is the second meaning.

  14. Thanks so much for liking my post… I just started blogging and I don’t really know how anyone will ever see my stuff. I’ll just keep writing, I suppose! I read a couple of your posts (it’s been a good way to spend my morning) and I really like it! Happy holidays!

  15. Hello Anthony. Thank you for visiting my blog, and especially for the like. :) This is my first attempt at writing a short story.

    I liked ‘Infidelity’. I thought Marcus would surely come to Erica’s rescue. But well, I was surprised. I could imagine Marcus smiling a cruel smile inwardly when he thinks “Till death do us part, honey. Just not the death either of us expected.” Nice story!

  16. Nice work! I loved this part -”Marcus did what he assumed all men in this position would do…he followed from a safe distance in his old Chrysler mini-van while humming the tune to Mission Impossible.” – that made me laugh out loud. Don’t forget to proof read (sorry that’s the teacher grading papers in me) :) Looking forward to your next piece and thanks for liking my blog!

    • I’m glad you enjoyed the story, and that line in particular! Proof reading is absolutely necessary, I agree, though with the stories I write for the blog here I don’t do any sort of proof reading, editing, rewriting, or even spell checking.. I post it in its most fresh and raw state, which has certain benefits for me, though the stories come out loose, with typos, and grammar issues at times.

  17. I enjoyed the gripping suspense from the start of the story – it kept me glued to the end. The story leaves me satisfied and unsatisfied – which is a good thing because short stories do not always have to resolve all conflicts.

  18. I enjoyed reading this story, and will be looking at your others. I love short stories! Thanks for visiting my blog.

    Just a few comments about the writing. I liked how the story unfolded, you definitely kept us guessing. The plot is interesting and engaging, because I wanted to know what is going to happen, but the characters seemed secondary to the plot because I didn’t know anything at all about the main characters other than that Marcus had a gun and Erica’s phone was shiny and purple, and they both had vehicles.

    Thank you for writing, I look forward to reading the others!!

  19. Pingback: The Combine Beautiful Sunshine Award | Carol J Forrester - Writing and Works

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